Friday the 13th (2009)

Media Reviewed: UK Cinema Release

Director: Marcus Nispel
Starring: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle


Recent years have seen a number of horror films being remade for younger or Western audiences. Horror classics such as Dawn of the Dead, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes have all undergone "re-imaginings" as well as many recent Asian films such as Ringu (The Ring), Ju-On (The Grudge) and The Eye. This looks set to continue with many classics due to get the flashy Hollywood treatment. The latest horror remake is courtesy of talentless producer/accountant Michael Bay and director Marcus Nispel (the man responsible for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake).

Now, being an avid horror movie fan and admittedly rather precious about my favourite genre of cinema I normally dismiss remakes, hurling abuse at my TV screen whenever I first see the trailer of the next classic to be given MTV-style treatment. Some would argue that these remakes should be given a chance, that they should be judged on their own merits, but I see them as what they are: cash-ins on established names. However, Friday the 13th is a film I made an exception for, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, none of the films in the series are exactly high art and they pretty much do what they say on the tin. Therefore it's quite hard to piss on their reputation like you could with a masterpiece like Suspiria. Secondly - and most importantly - I was looking forward to seeing Jason Voorhees stomping around in a forest hacking up twenty-somethings again. I would decide not to treat this movie as a remake, but just as another entry in a series that already has ten chapters.

Those familiar with the Friday the 13th series will realise that this film isn't strictly a remake of the first film, but of parts 2, 3 and 4. In fact a couple of plot elements are taken from some of those films, for example, the man looking for his missing sister is borrowed from part 4. Those worried that this remake has tampered with the established rules and mythologies of the series need not - all of the series staples are there: if you drink or take drugs you die, if you take your clothes off you die, if you have sex you die, if you aren't white you die. This is the reason for one of the film's major flaws; there are absolutely no surprises in this film. Nothing new, nothing that isn't wholly predictable. You can immediately tell who is going to die on first seeing them on screen.

Another of the films major flaws is that it seems as though it was written by a randy 14 year old boy, who frantically typed it with one hand over the course of a day in the Easter Holiday break. The jokes are infantile and wholly based around the subjects of sex and drugs. I'm no prude when it comes to my sense of humour, but the vast majority of the films intended humorous moments aren't funny to begin with and are repeated ad nauseam. If there's one redeeming factor with this is that it makes you want these rich, tanned, good looking, coiffured cretins to die at the hands of Jason even moreso -and he delivers. If only he could leap forth from the screen into reality and punish those responsible for their groan-inducing dialogue.

The director also clearly doesn't have the talent to make a decent film of this nature. He has no grasp of suspense or pacing and often insists on the shaky camerawork that is depressingly common in films today. Its as if the cameraman is working with a running tumble dryer shoved up his arse. It's not stylish, it's lazy. Stop doing it and learn how to compose your shots properly.

However, I can't say I wasn't entertained at points throughout of the film. The film is enjoyable when Jason is on screen and the latest actor to play the role, Derek Mears, does a good job. It's just a shame that the rest of the film (the majority of it) is so tiresome.

I can only think to recommend this to avid fans of the series who are excited about seeing Jason tearing up the screen another time, but to anyone else - steer clear. The gore scenes aren't particularly gory, the funny scenes certainly aren't funny and, most importantly, the scary scenes just aren't scary. The film is pretty much just a rehash of the early films in the series, adding nothing new to a formula that was tired twenty years ago.